Wallet

Ever since my finances took a nose dive several years ago, my poor wallet has not seen the light of day too often. It spends days, sometimes a whole week, nice and cozy in a zippered compartment in the sack I use as a pocketbook. Gone are the daily stops at Dunkin Donuts for morning coffee on my way to work, I pay my bills online, and I sometimes only go to the ATM for cash once every two weeks or so. I assumed my wallet was now accustomed to being cash less, without currency of any kind - even coins. Imagine my surprise when I went to place a ten and a five dollar bill in the paper money section and I heard the following shriek:

Oww!! What in the world are you doing? (My wallet sounded very much like Ruth Hussey - sassy as when she was in "The Philadelphia Story," not skeptical as she was in "The Uninvited" - see TCM.com. My reaction was to immediately pull the cash out of the wallet.) 

Oh, I beg your pardon. Did I startle you?

Startle? I think shock is a better word. You can't just suddenly shove a foreign object in my mouth and expect no reaction. After all, I'm only...

Human? I hate to break it to you, but you're not human. Just because you can speak...

Please don't put words in my mouth. For your information, I was going to say that I'm only used to you feeding me once or twice a month. This was totally unexpected! (She was absolutely right. This really was way off schedule. I found myself offering an explanation to my wallet.)

Oh, I see. It's just that I didn't get to the bank for allowances and stuff until this week end. I had a few extra dollars in the account, so I thought, well, it might be nice to actually have some extra cash for me...maybe treat myself to coffee. Know what I mean? 

Well, why didn't you just say so? I know you've been wearing your belt a little tighter this winter, so a little unexpected treat for us both is really quite nice. Well done! (Just as I was about to place my windfall in the wallet, my son informed me that he will going to the Junior Prom in two weeks. Two weeks! There will have to be some serious juggling with my account, and that $15 will simply have to go for the prom.)

Well, it was nice while it lasted, huh? I promise to be more receptive next time.

Next time?  (I replaced the empty wallet back in my sack.)  I don't think I'd count on it!