A few weeks ago I was innocently sitting at my desk in the den, alone in the house (well, except for our two cats), when I distinctly heard my name being called. The voice was sweet and smooth, rich and silky. I wasn't even scared, the voice was so calming. Imagine my surprise when I tracked the sound down to the chocolate bar sitting on the half-wall next to my desk.
Excuse me, but were you calling my name?
Ohhh...I certainly was. (The chocolate bar's words flowed in a kind of Peggy Lee-ish, Mel Torme-ish, Nat King Cole-ish kind of way. I found myself mesmerized by its rhythmic cadence.) I was afraid you forgot I was here. Usually I'm not around for such a long, long time. (Really, it was only on the wall for about a week, and being a confirmed chocoholic, I was a little surprised when I found myself not immediately indulging.)
Ummm...well...I'd really love to, but....
But?! (There was a slight hint of shock and surprise in the candy's otherwise dulcet demeanor.) Am I not appealing? (It was a chocolate hazlenut bar from IKEA...my favorite!)
On the contrary, you are most appealing! It's just that, well...
You're not on a diet again, are you?
Oh gosh, no.
Well, then, come on! What's stopping you? (Then it sort of started singing.) Choc-o-late...hazle-nut...yum-yum-yum.
(It was torture. Finally I had to blurt out the truth.) I have a toothache! I can't even eat real food, much less chocolate! I knew you were there! I looked at you every single day! (I scooped up the candy bar and shoved it in a kitchen drawer.) I'm so sorry...
(A few weeks later, after having tooth #31 extracted and the gap having healed over, I opened the drawer to get the gravy ladle and there, glowing - yes, glowing and with angelic music playing - appeared my candy bar. I had forgotten all about it! So, that night after dinner, my dessert was the most delicious, creamy-nutty, smooth - and did I say delicious? - chocolate hazlenut candy bar!)