Street Light

My son is a crazy obsessed railfan. Of course, I mean that in the nicest way. Since he's too young to drive, that means that either my husband or I have the privilege of taking him to his favorite trackside spots. Tonight was my turn. We parked in a lot right next to the tracks, making sure to be directly under a street light so that he could set up his cameras right in front of my car and so I could see what I was writing. And even though it's really starting to get cold, I still left the window open a crack to better hear my son. Imagine my surprise when, instead of my son's voice, I heard what sounded exactly like Edward G. Robinson.

So, you think you're pretty clever parking there, huh?

(I looked through the windshield. Edward G. Robinson was nowhere in sight.)

Look up here, you dumb broad. Yeah, I'm the bright guy doing the talking, see.

(I leaned forward and gave the street light a dirty look. I certainly did not appreciate being called a dumb broad, particularly by a dim-witted light fixture.) Um...if you're talking to me then yes, I do think I'm pretty clever, thank you very much.

Listen sister...I ain't free and loose with the compliments, see. You're on my turf, see. Better keep your face clean, see.

What?!? (This lamp was talking like it was in an old gangster movie. I figured it was time for me to play along.) Listen wise guy...I'm not just some dame from around the block. I got connections, you know.

Trying to play rough, hey doll? Ain't nobody connected like me, see. Except maybe the boys. Go ahead, boys...show her what you got.

(Suddenly the other street lights began to dim and brighten at random intervals. I, however, refused to be intimidated.)

Okay, bright guy. So you and your shady cohorts can play games. You're all still stuck in the ground. I can actually move, mister. Let me shed some real light on the situation for you, you big lug.

(With that, I directed my son to immediately get in the car. I started the engine, threw on the high beams and backed up. As we started to pull away, I couldn't help but feel a bit sorry for those lonely lights so I yelled out, "In case you didn't know it, you guys really are good track lighting." Suddenly, my son and I heard what sounded like gunshots. But then we noticed that one by one, the street lights were blowing out. I just stepped on the gas and floored it out of that parking lot!)