I was sitting on a cushioned bench outside of the college testing center waiting for my 11-days-away-from-being-sixteen year old son to complete the final exam for his fifth college course (yes, I am most definitely bragging!) when a noisy fly decided it was her obligation to keep me company. My wild flailing and signs of annoyance indicated no discouragement to her. Finally, I just shouted, "Oh, go a-way!" and was shocked when I heard a whimpering reply.
Gee whizzzzz. I wazzzzz only trying to be pleazzzzzant. (She sniffed indignantly as she landed on the wall between my bench and the empty one closest to me.)
Well, maybe if you just stopped buzzing by my ears I wouldn't mind so much.
But that'zzzzz how I wazzzzz taught to get attention.
Didn't anyone ever tell you that's also a great way to get killed?
You mean people kill fliezzzzz? Why, I simply can't believe it. You mean to say that you actually think I'm annoying?
Look, I don't mean to be mean, but flies are...well...very dirty.
But I clean myzzzzzelf conzzzzztantly! (It was true. She was rubbing her, uh, hands together that very moment.)
What I mean is that you carry germs from one place to another to another. Every time you land somewhere....
But...(Her little body began to shake. I wasn't sure if it was due to her whimpering or because she was, well...leaving germs.) I...I never intend any harm. I just go about my own businezzzzz.
(I generally despise flies, but this one just seemed so different than the average run-of-the-mill fly. I found myself examining her for reassurance that she wasn't like the fly in the movie, "The Fly" -- you know, fly body/human head. She was all fly. By now, though, she was visibly sobbing.)
I eat (sob)...I nap (sob)...I...I...I fly (wail). And people are alwayzzzzz swatting at me. I just want to be friendzzzzz! (I suddenly remembered a verse from the song, "Human Fly" that goes: "I cry 98 tears from 98 eyes." Oh, I felt so sad for that little forlorn fly!)
Uh, if you promise not to land on me or my coffee cup, I'd be happy to be your friend....
(But before another word could be spoken, a guy with a jelly doughnut and a soda sat down on the bench next to mine. The little fly took off like a bullet towards the goodies and as I walked away to join my son, I saw the guy flailing his arms and yelling, "Oh, just go a-way!")