Hula Hoop

In order for me to put the pogo stick back in the corner of the garage, I first had to move the old wooden screen door. It's actually quite lightweight but, to be honest, I have no idea why we're still keeping it. As I was carefully placing it against one of the bikes, out rolled an old hula hoop - which made it all the way to the garage door before finally and slowly falling over. I walked over to retrieve it, and as I bent to pick it up, I started to wonder how many rotations I might be able to do - if any at all.

Oh, c'mon...you ain't really thinking of trying, are ya? (The unknown voice sounded sort of ditzy - kind of like Judy Holliday in Born Yesterday [see TCM.com].)

Well, I thought since nobody was around...

Yeah, lots of people think I'm a nobody. (I could almost hear the sound of cracking gum.)

I didn't mean it that way.

Well, just because I ain't as smart as that thing over there (she looked toward a dusty abacus, which gave us a beady-eyed stare), don't mean I'm dumb.

Absolutely.

Hey, wait a minute...do you mean I absolutely ain't as smart as that thing, or that I ain't absolutely dumb?

(I was very tempted to just say "Yes.") Absolutely not dumb.

Why, thanks. That's real swell of you. Sometimes I think I get a little confused. I just go round and round in circles! It must be from the whirlitosis.

Whirlitosis?

Yeah, that's what the doctor bag in the playroom said it was. From my brain being spun around so much, y'know? She said it's just a mild case, though. You ever seen hula hoops that can't stay up?

Well, yes I have. Quite often, actually. (I was definitely the voice of experience.)

Bet you thought it was the people who weren't no good. Didn'tcha?

(I nodded in agreement.)

Well, ain't you the dumb one! It's because of the whirlitosis. Severe cases, that's all. There ain't nothing wrong with the people, the hula hoops is just loopy!

(At that point, there was a huge crash as the screen door knocked over the bikes which fell over the lawn mower and ended up on the hula hoop. I hurriedly pulled the hula hoop out from under the pile. It had a huge crease in it. I placed it safely back in the corner of the garage, and covered it with an old, warm blanket.)