My Shoes

Back in October 2007, my family took a short (and pretty much disastrous) trip to Disney World in Orlando, Florida to experience Halloween in the most magical place on Earth. My daughter and I both got such sore feet that we splurged and bought ourselves black Crocs with little Mickey Mouse cut-outs instead of the regular holes. Well, I haven't worn any other shoes since then - to this day, they are still like walking on air. I don't give a hoot that my co-workers besmirch their chunky clunky look, or that on the coldest, snowiest winter days my feet are air-conditioned. I did start to wonder, however, how they feel about the abuse they must suffer (not to mention that I also tend to have seriously stinky feet).


So, you've been a part of our family for nearly 2 years now. Has it been a good experience?

I'm a shoe. I'm vulnerable to chewed gum, doggy droppings, squashed bugs (new and old), spit and oil spills, just to name a few of the hazards. I must say, though, that under your deft direction, I have managed to avoid most of them. You are quite a wonderful dodger.

Why, thank you. I really had no idea I was such a good walker.

Not only that, but, for the most part, I've enjoyed the places you've taken me. Vermont, New York City, the beach, the backyard. The apple orchard was a little tricky, what with all that spoiled, rotting fruit scattered all over the ground. And the mud. Yech, I do hate mud.

How about when it snows? You are from Florida, after all.

Well, it's not really so different from those tropical afternoon downpours...snow's just a prettier kind of precipitation, after all. Colder, of course, but with the warmth of your feet that really isn't such an issue.

Speaking of my feet...they tend to, um, smell....

In all the time I've had the pleasure of being your footwear, I have yet to experience a calamitous odor. Oh, once in awhile, especially in the summer, there was an inkling of an unpleasant aroma, but overall, I'd have to say the rumors of your odiferous feet are just that...rumors.

Trust me, they're not rumors. Just ask my family. Or my slippers. Anyway, do you have any particular memory that you'd like to share?

Well, let me see. I really enjoyed walking on the beach the evening of your birthday. The sand was so cool and soft and brushed off me so smoothly. And when you placed me on the guardrail to get a better view of the fireworks, well, that was quite lovely. I wasn't too fond of the boardwalk, to be honest. I was afraid of splinters. But, yes, I think maybe the beach was my favorite.

I hope you don't mind my asking, but shoes come in pairs, and yet you refer to yourselves as the singular "I." Why is that?

We refer to ourselves as "I" because we are one with each other. One can not exist without the other. We are I.

Is there any particular place or thing you'd like to experience before, uh, well....

Before I am replaced?

Yes, that's the word I was searching for....

I am happy to say that I've noticed a box of new Crocs ready to fill in when my retirement is at hand. Knowing how much I've been loved is a great comfort, so my only wish would have been to see Europe with you. It's been, what, over twenty years since you've been there and I know I won't make it another twenty! I only hope that when you do make it back, you're wearing Crocs.

You better believe I will. Thank you so much.